Cthulhu Testifies Before the Senate Shirt
When the alarming news reached Capitol Hill that Cthulhu had been seen emerging from the sea near Atlantic City, alert Congressional aides who were familiar with the writings of H.P. Lovecraft recognized the significance of this event and promptly sprang into action. Recalling their 20th century literature studies at Yale, the young staffers immediately informed Committee members of Cthulhu’s presence on dry land. The Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs proceeded to issue a subpoena ordering Cthulhu to appear before the Committee to testify about the specifics concerning his use of TARP funds to bail out insolvent lenders in his undersea dominion. Specifically, the committee requested details concerning the circumstances surrounding the concessional rate financing granted to questionable contractors engaged in the rehabilitation of Cthulhu’s sunken city of R'lyeh. Cthulhu remarked “How in the world can I be expected to assess the creditworthiness of a creature that is little more than a protoplasmic mass resembling a collection of glowing bubbles? He then promptly asserted his Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination and refused to provide any further information. Conscious of Cthulhu’s reputation as a destroyer of worlds and his appetite for feeding on the souls of humans, the Committee avoided pressing Cthulhu too hard about the TARP funds and instead graciously agreed to sponsor legislation providing the citizens of R'lyeh with a follow-on stimulus package to ensure that all structures in the city are brought up to Neptunian code.