The Demon's Monkey...

Somewhere, somehow, God rested one day too long. Some suggest he slipped on a banana peel. Others might say he simply fell asleep watching "Touched By an Angel". Nonetheless, upon the dark half of that day a diseased coconut tree set forth a mighty rumble, giving birth to a 27 and one half pound, matted furball. This entangled sphere of balmy carpet stench unfolded and revealed itself to be a 'being of the trees'. A simple, cute, cuddly Monkey perhaps? On the contrary, this was a blackened heart wrapped in hair, two beady, Godforsaken eyes and a mouth that brought forth a smell so pungent, you'd swear it were a furious mixture of motor oil and okra.

Oh sure, at first glance, it appears like an ordinary Monkey. But after a soul defying, paused visual, one soon realizes this is in fact the DEMON's MONKEY. Mischief, complexity, mystery and a horrifying banana gun make for a terrified ecosystem. A few humans have witnessed it. Animals of all walks of life have seen it and some have even perished at the Hellfire she conjures up. Oh yeah, it's a female! This is one mean, four limbed jungle rot of a B*TCH ...

As her ambiguous counterpart Satanic Squirrel once explained, "To this day, I won't even suggest an utterance of the word 'spatula'...it ain't for children what she's capable of responding with. I mean, kids shouldn't even be told of what she can do! Hell, I've already said too much. Just leave me alone..."

And what should you do in the unfortunate instance that you stumble across this unholy wretch of a creation?

Perhaps digging your own grave would be a practical start. Although some say, only a few mind you, that she can be bribed with a Tootsie Pop. That would be "a wrapped, unsucked Tootsie pop" as Satanic Squirrel uttered at the end of our interview. Only God knows...or does he?



Special Thanks to Brian "Rock Devil" Coles,
Editor: Electric Basement.com
The Demonsmonkey Stories