Fester's Goin' all Greeny For Christmas and for the foreseeable future and so can you! Alls ya gotta do is pretend to be talkin' on yer Iphone when yer really just gittin' stuff straight in yer head, hammer the green beers and be in yer cave b'fore dawn. It's as simple as that, simple if'n you have access to the beers o'green of course. Fester is lobbyin' to have more than one holiday a year what gots the green beers. Can he get a "What what"? I hear'd that! This Christmas ask yer bartender all tender like for a green beer and when she or he informs you that they ain't no green beers then real niceful like suggest that there needs to be the green beers on the Christmas. When she or he informs you back real niceful like "We have Green Beers and we have yellow beers, yellow beers would be good for you." when she or he just got through informin' you that they ain't no green beers then buy yeller beers all 'round and get up a petition to expand green beers market far and wide. After all, don't elves run 'round in the same circles as leprechauns and vicey versey like? Leprechauns gotta be able to party with the rest o' us on Christmas. I say it ain't Christmassy if'n ya ain't got no beers o'greeny. What say Ye, kringle-head? Fester just says Party as he has a want to say and there will be no more questions till at least 2013. There'll be plenty statements later, statements galore as a matter o' fact but no more questions.
Here's da latest update on Da Fest: He's chillin', beers that is, in a secret compartmink what he carved outta da wood and installed in da floor of his "habitat". I come to find out that that octobear what they got over to da zoo is in fact ol' Fest. He's been puttin' on da act fer them thar zook-eepers. He let's 'em go on bleavin' they gotta tight hold on da Fest Man and he get's da hard to git fish what they serve up regular like. Fester, bein' genetical super-rear to all them screwtin-nanny staters can come and go as he pleases with no worries on account he's so fast and also acuzzin’ he's taken over complete control of da cammers what monsters his every movemink. He tells me he santa-tizes da feed, whatever that means. I don't know but I reckon it must be good thing. Fester says what with this new habitat-tat-tat, his tour bus and his castle on the coast he's doin' mighty fine, yeah mighty fine indeed. That sad look, well that's all a act, for the zooks don't you know. Ol' Fester did mention, though, that he had one little concern concernin' da algorian cowendar. He were doin' some cipherin' fer a few of da profesters over to da and he thinks he's found a flaw to da tune of 'bout a hunnert cheers in da algorian cowendrigals or something or some sort. I don't know if I should even tempt to splain any a what he told me, especially seein' as how he had had not just four but five beers that night and he were talkin' terrible fast. I had to take extra hey Fester my brains gittin' all twisty agin breaks. Anyway, Fester says he's just fine. Da new digs is fine. Da new turbo fer da double-decker werks like a champ and that cowendar deal? Well, Fester says to hold on to yer hat and PARTY like they ain't no 2112, on account that they ain't. Just kiddin', he then sayed. Then he grinned in a kinda sextangular fashion and in a really, almost but not quite, sub-audible tone he singy-sang-songied "Have a Beary Merry Evergreen Beer Christmas Till 2112 or 2012 or 2013, Whichever Comes First!" It were unnervin' I tell you what. I outran ol' Fester first time in history that there night. I dint drink da beers fer two days after that I were so freaked out. I gotta go now. All this talk 'bout beers is makin' me thirsty. Here's da story you can read of ol' Fester in case you dint catch it the first 23+plus times:
Sure yer uncle what werked out to the genetic engineerin' plant had his own octobear. He raised it up from a cub when it showed up to his cabin door one mornin' back in the roarin' '90s. His OctoBear which he named Fester, no relation, also drank the beers, but he always drank responsible like. He never had more'n four. He wus a great ol' OctoBear that Fester wus. He come up with the best gags an' practical jokes to play on folk, and he could juggle 'til yer brain got all twisty like. Then one day when yer ol' uncle, uh, uncle, uh, awe heck when yer uncle Uncle was scarin' up some food the authorities come a askin' 'bout ol' Fester. Twas a good thing Fester had hooked up with the circus that summer or he'd problee never'n been seen nor hear'd from ag'in. That ol' Fester, if'n he were one thing, he were one smart bear, and fast! He were like a four by four by four. No, that octobear what they got cooped up over to the zoo, that ain't yer uncle's Fester the Octobear. Shhheeeeooooot Far, why he don't even drink the beers. Maybe it's on account that them thar zook-eepers don't ever let him have none. No, that ain't ol' Fester. That OctoBear is just sad. Poor other Fester the other OctoBear. Fester the Octobear were a friend o' mine. Matter o' fact I performed with ol' Fester. Fester were a happy OctoBear. That ain't no Fester. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Copyright (C) 2010 Marti J. Hughes