One day, I posted a tweet and one of my imaginary Internet friends said they would actually wear it, so I made it wearable.

Now the real question is: will you wear it? Or drink from it? Or send a postcard to that special person you’re stalking? Because nothing says, “I know where you live.” better than a postcard, right?

I’ve sold all my belongings to fund this money laundering... um... "business venture", so this is where I get all douchey and say, “ BUY STUFF!”