You may be head over heels in love, but that doesn’t mean you and your partner see eye to eye on every little thing, especially when it comes to planning your wedding day. From big calls like the choice of venue to small details like the wedding favors, there are tons of decisions to make, and it’s only natural that you will disagree on some of them. The most important thing is to plan an event you’re both largely happy with, even if it means a little give-and-take along the way. Yes, it’s time to perfect the skill you’re going to need in your marriage – how to compromise!
Set Your Budget
One of the most contentious issues during wedding planning is money: how much do you want to spend, on what, and who is going to pay for it? Perhaps you dreamed of an expensive event, but he or she would prefer to save the cash for something else. If parents are contributing, will they want to be involved in the planning process? These are all questions you should discuss early on, calmly and openly. The tips in our How to Make a Wedding Budget article will help you make a start.
Share Responsibility
You can’t (and shouldn’t!) plan the entire wedding on your own. So as part of your budget chat, or soon after, discuss what aspects of the wedding are most important to you, and what organization you would like to take a leading role in. Then you can divvy up the tasks according to your strengths and priorities. For example, perhaps he or she is a foodie and would love to plan the menu, or you’re a tough negotiator and would be best placed working with vendors.
Trust Each Other
Once you have assigned duties, make sure to take full ownership, and trust the other person to do their job. For example, if your partner is working on the playlist, try not to peer over his or her shoulder and start questioning the song choices! Know that your loved one has your best interests at heart, and even if you wouldn’t have done exactly the same thing, respect their decisions. Plus if they make a mistake, be supportive!
Pick Your Battles
If you disagree on something, take a step back and consider how important it really is to you, and how much to your partner? If you know it means more to them, maybe just let it go and take some joy in how excited they are about it. On the other hand, if it’s something that’s very close to your heart – perhaps to do with family or traditions – have a frank conversation about your feelings, rather than give in and harbor any resentment down the line.
Choose Your Timing
Think about the best time and place to discuss aspects of your wedding day. No one wants to be pounced upon with a seating plan just as they walk through the door after a long day in the office. Nor do they want to sum up the wedding costs while driving down the highway. So even if you’re bursting to discuss something, take a deep breathe and save it for a more appropriate time. Perhaps set aside certain times of the week for wedding planning.
Keep Looking… But Set Deadlines
Don’t sign up for the first venue you see if one of you is not 100% happy with it. A little more time and research may mean you find somewhere better, or realize the first one is best after all. That said, try to give yourselves a firm deadline for each decision, rather than going back and forth for days (or even weeks!), with potential bickering. Plus, once you have made a choice, don’t bring it up again! Just move on and plan the next detail.
Enlist a Third Party
If you can’t make a call yourselves, why not turn to the experts. Having a neutral party in the planning process is one reason why couples hire a wedding planner, but an individual vendor can help too! For example, if you’re debating between two color schemes, ask your florist which would suit your venue best. Or if you can’t decide on a first dance song, ask your musician or DJ for his or her top picks. They may be your voice of reason.
Take Some Time Out
Wedding planning can take its toll, leaving you both stressed and slightly obsessed with everything wedding related! But having a life together (not just a wedding day) is the reason you’re getting married in the first place, so remember to take some time out to enjoy each other’s company. For example, plan a date night, cook a meal together, or go on a road trip – all with a ban on wedding chat! When you do return to planning, it will be easier.
Everyone wants to have an amazing wedding, but not at the expense of a relationship! We hope these tips will help you compromise with your partner on the run-up to your big day, and during many happy years of marriage to come!
Matilda is Marketing Manager in the International Team, bringing Zazzle to customers everywhere from Sydney to Stockholm.
