Once you’re engaged, you have dozens of decisions to make: how many people should be in the bridal party, whether to have a buffet or sitting meal, where to have the ceremony, and who to invite. The invite list can run long because suddenly there are cousins you have never met, or long-lost family friends you have to consider including on your big day. Guest lists can easily grow to a few hundred people. With that in mind, a current wedding trend that’s becoming very popular is to not include any children, not even nieces and nephews, and to have an ‘adults-only wedding.’
What exactly does it mean to have an adults-only wedding, though? Well, it’s where you explicitly say you only want to have your adult relatives at the wedding and the reception. This would mean no flower girl, no ring bearer, and no inviting children of your close friends. If you’re uncertain about whether this would be a good thing or a bad thing, however, then let’s first weigh up some of the pros and cons.
Pros and Cons of an Adults-Only Wedding
An adults-only wedding isn’t for everyone. Here are some of the benefits and disadvantages to help you make your decision!
Pros
- You can keep the budget down as you have to pay less per person (many places charge the same price for kids as they do for adults). Very quickly, your humble budget for food can double or triple from what you had planned.
- There’ll be no mid-ceremony disruptions, such as a kid screaming or running around.
- If you want to maintain a black-tie wedding vibe, then that’ll be easier to achieve with no kids around.
- You can party all night, with no curfew. Have your event go on until one or two in the morning!
- You won’t have any strollers or diaper bags at the reception that could ruin the look of the venue.
- You may just not like kids, and this is your event, after all!
Cons
- Many family members may be upset, and say they don’t want to attend if their children can’t attend.
- Some family members may not be able to organize child care and will miss the event.
- It may be the one thing that many people remember about your beautiful day; is that the impression you want to leave guests with?
- There’ll be no cute photo moments with your nieces, nephews, or young cousins.
- You may lose close relationships with people who refuse to leave their children at home.
Adults-Only Invitation Wording Etiquette
It can be hard to know how to tell your loved ones your plans for an adults-only wedding. Generally, it’s not easy, and it may be met with pushback. When it comes to telling everyone, then, we have a few tips on how to write it on your invitation:
- Write on your details cards that this is an adults-only occasion. You can add wording like “Adults-only reception to follow” or “While we love all the children in our lives, we have decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event.”
- Have two options on your RSVP card: ‘Adults Accepting’ and ‘Adults Declining.’ Having this distinction about the number of adults will help ensure that people take a second look and realize it’s not open to everybody.
- Only put the names of the adults in the family on the envelope of the Save the Date and the invitation. Traditionally only the names of those on the envelope of the invitation are who the couple wants to invite; if kids were included, they might say “family.” So, it’s best to be specific and only give the names of the adults.
Difficult Conversations
Be aware that by choosing to have an adults-only wedding you may experience some tough conversations with some of your guests. Many people may feel that you’re being rude or selfish by not including the smaller family members. Because of that, we’ve come up with a few things to remember during those hard conversations:
- Acknowledge your guest’s response – make them feel heard, and let them know that you understand they’re upset.
- Address the miscommunication – tell them you love their kids but want the wedding to be just for adults.
- Express your desire for them to still attend without children – tell them they’re important to you and you still want them to be there for your big day (which is why you invited them).
- If you receive RSVPs that include the entire family, make a phone call immediately. Don’t wait or put it off, and don’t email or text, either; you must call them so that there’s no miscommunication. Politely let your guests know that the invitation was only meant for the parents (or the adults in the family, to be precise).
- Say why you’ve made that decision – whether it’s the venue, the planned activities, space, or budget constraints, be truthful about what your reason is.
Remember it’s your wedding and you deserve to have the wedding and reception that you want!
Don’t Make Exceptions!
- Stand firm and don’t let anyone convince you to change for their kids. You also shouldn’t pick and choose certain kids, as this can cause even more issues. Don’t allow exchanges! If one of the adults ends up not being able to make it, they might ask if they can bring one of the kids instead. You’ll have to explain it’s not just about the headcount, and that it’s more about not wanting to invite kids.
- Make sure to make your position one hundred percent clear by being consistent. Put it on your wedding website to make it understood that it’s not a misprint on your invitation or the details card.
For any guest going to an adults-only wedding, support the couple in their decision and enjoy their day. Make the most of hosting an adults-only wedding with a few of our special custom wedding products. Help your guests enjoy every moment of your evening outdoor wedding with personalized wedding sunglasses. Then, as the evening gets darker, pull out your custom wedding shot glasses for everyone to take a shot! Lastly, a gift that they can take home with them is something only adults should be using, anyway: our custom wedding matchboxes, which they can use for months to come. The important thing about your wedding day is that you’re happy with it, and that at the end of the evening, you’re married to the person you love.
Lucy is a Content Specialist at Zazzle in Cork, Ireland. Originally from America, she is now settled in Ireland with her husband and Corgi-mix puppy Dug (yes, like from Disney’s UP!). It’s the simple things in life that matter, so give her a bag of M&M’s and she’s happy. She loves to relax with a good book, cozy up on the couch for a movie, or go to the park for a stroll with the family.
