Are you planning for an upcoming wedding? Or maybe you’ve been invited to attend one? Let’s look at gay wedding etiquette and answer some common questions.
A Day to Celebrate Love
A gay wedding ceremony is just like an opposite-sex ceremony. It’s a wonderful day to celebrate love, union, and acceptance.
Here are five of the most frequently asked questions on gay wedding etiquette.
Question: How are wedding bills split between the families of the LGBT couple? Whose parents pay for what?
Answer: This question isn’t limited to just same-sex couples. Remember, all couples have to ask this question. In age-old traditions, it varied depending on the culture of the couple. Sometimes the parents of the bride put in a substantial amount; other times, it was a matter of giving land and housing afterward.
Of course, nowadays, most couples don’t rely on their parents; they foot the bill themselves. A survey by the Gay Wedding Institute found that 84 percent of gay men and 73 percent of lesbians finance their own weddings. This is an issue which must be pre-discussed with the parties involved, and there isn’t one solution for everyone.
Question: Are all family members expected to be invited, even unsupportive ones?
Answer: While weddings are a joyful celebration, there must also be a sense of diplomacy. If a particular family member is footing a lot of the bill, they may want to invite folks of their choice. In a sensitive situation like this, it’s a chance for everyone to show how inclusive they can be.
The wedding couple must explain to their relatives how they feel about allowing certain unsupportive people to the party. And on the other hand, their family must respect their wishes.
Question: What about names? How should I address a gay person who is getting married?
Answer: Gay weddings nowadays are trending to not classifying partners as “brides” or “grooms.” Think of their titles in terms of non-gender ones: “partners” or “spouses,” for example. When in doubt, take clues from the couple: Do they introduce the other as their “wife” or “husband”? If so, assume it’s safe to do the same.
Question: What is the processional order in a same-sex marriage? Who walks who down the aisle?
Answer: There can be some confusion or even trouble when deciding on the processional order. In traditional weddings, the father walks his daughter, the bride, down to meet her husband, the groom.
With gay weddings, it’s all a matter of personal taste, preference, and requests. There are variations on this, some of which include:
a) No one “walks” anyone down. One partner simply waits by the altar for the other to approach.
b) Both lead each other down the aisle, arm in arm.
c) Audience seats are arranged in two aisles that meet at the altar: Partners walk towards each other to meet in the middle, however, they prefer: escorted by a friend or family member, or completely on their own.
(The only thing to remember here then, is logistics. Two aisles may require planning which angle the official photos are taken from or having more than one photographer on call.)
Question: What types of gifts are appropriate for same-sex couples?
Answer: There are a lot of options online for wedding favors, but these can be customized if you are the one attending the wedding. Here are some time-tested ideas:
- A good bottle of wine is always appreciated, and these can be customized with wine labels displaying the names of the couple, or the wedding date.
- If you have some great photos of the couple, try a photo display with their picture on it.
- Are the couple avid travelers? Personalized Travel tags for the honeymoon getaway may be just the accessory to add to a bigger gift package.
- Experience vouchers, such as airfare discounts for their holidays, or dinner for two at their favorite restaurant.
Customized portraits, painted or drawn by either a prestigious artist, or an artist who is also close to the couple. This is a meaningful and beautiful way to celebrate any union.
A same-sex wedding is a wedding. While marriage equality is a fairly recent thing in many states and countries around the world, it should not lessen the significance of this beautiful day.
From Weddings to Tech, our Zazzle Contributors are experts on a wide variety of topics and information. We hope their advice and ideas will help you be inspired!
