New York Barristers Travel Mug

The New York Barristers’ beer league may not be the most serious or demanding of intramural baseball associations, but it has been known to take drastic action when dealing with flagrant rule-benders. Case in point: But a few seasons ago, Bear Lawyer stood accused of encouraging doping and steroid use amongst his abnormally muscular team of Scandinavian power-lifters, Eastern European gymnasts, and American cyclists. Gravely offended by such "spurious allegations", Bear Lawyer vocally contended that (1) blood and plasma transfusions were often required in the wake of intense training sessions, particularly those dealing with rundowns and squeezes; (2) anabolic steroids were prescribed to combat anemia related to the aforementioned injuries (compound fractures, etc.) sustained during heavy contact plays involving base-stealing bears; (3) human growth hormone was needed to treat Gunnar Ver Magnússon’s idiopathic short stature, which for nearly a decade had tragically prevented the burly Dane from growing beyond a mere 6’10”. Following a formal inquiry (and a few monetary contributions), Bear Lawyer was acquitted of any and all malfeasance in exchange for agreeing to re-draught his entire team for the coming season, with stricter league observation of the Barristers’ training program besides. Accordingly, any and all new members of the New York Barristers have since been permitted to only partake of beverages provided in their official team travel mugs, and then only after thorough inspection by league officials, lest Bear Lawyer somehow slip some of Ver Magnússon’s leftover HGH into their sport drinks. (For medical reasons, of course.) Mercifully, caffeine is not considered a controlled substance, and non-team use of the New York Barristers’ official travel mug does not require urinalysis. Not usually, that is.