Not A Vaulty Hoodie

FIELD REPORT: The "Not A Vaulty" Women's Pullover Subject: Official BigFootAintNoYeti.com Tactical Comfort Gear Apparel Type: Women's Pullover Hoodie (The "Anti-Bunker" Edition) THE "NOT A VAULTY" MANIFESTO Let’s get one thing straight: You don’t do "pristine." You don’t do "sealed environments." And you definitely don’t do those weird blue-and-yellow jumpsuits. You’re a daughter of the Plateau—a modern wasteland wanderer who knows that a little dirt on your face is just "nature’s highlighter" and that the best ceilings are made of stars (even if they’re a bit hazy these days). THE GRAPHIC: WEARING THE GRIT The back of this pullover features our signature "Not A Vaulty" circular emblem. It’s a badge of honor for the country girl who isn't afraid to get her hands (and hair, and boots) a little dirty. While the sheltered folks are downstairs eating canned cram, you’re up here at 5,840 feet, sitting by a campfire, and wondering if the mushroom cloud on the horizon is going to affect the trout fishing. WHY THIS IS YOUR NEW UNIFORM: The "Country Girl" Stealth: Designed for the woman who can start a fire with a flint, track a mule deer through a canyon, and still maintain a sense of humor about the end of the world. Survivalist Pockets: The front pouch is mathematically optimized to hold a compass, a snack for a hungry BigFoot, and a crumpled-up checkerboard (for emergencies only). Versatile Aesthetic: Whether you’re foraging for Pinyon nuts or just making a supply run to the nearest trade post, this pullover says, "I’ve seen things you wouldn't believe, and I did it all without a filtered air supply." THE BIGFOOT ETIQUETTE (CRITICAL) Wearing this gear puts you in a specific social class in the high country. When you’re sitting by the fire in this hoodie and a BigFoot wanders into camp: The Foraging Rule: If he looks at your snacks, ask if he wants to share. A hungry BigFoot is a grumpy BigFoot. The Checkers Protocol: If he pulls out a board, LET HIM WIN. We don’t care how competitive you are—your arms are more useful attached to your body than as BigFoot’s new wall decor. PRODUCT SPECS: Fabric: Soft enough to keep you cozy during a 40-degree desert temperature drop, but tough enough to survive a brush with a sagebrush thicket. Fit: Designed for movement. Because "Not A Vaulty" means you’re actually out there doing things. Motto: "Born in the mud, raised on the rim, and I ain't going back inside." Available at BigFootAintNoYeti.com. Checkers board not included (for your own safety).