The Alien Surrender: Cute Ragdoll Cat Tri-Blend Shirt

Ann Baker was a capitalist first and a visionary second. In the 1960s, she bred a white, injured cat named Josephine in Riverside, California. She noticed the resulting kittens went entirely limp when picked up. Total muscular surrender. Most people would just think this is cute. Ann Baker immediately trademarked the name "Ragdoll," set up her own bizarre registry, and started telling the press her cats possessed alien DNA. She claimed they were completely immune to pain because of secret government experiments at a local university. You are looking at a feline born of pure, unadulterated Cold War paranoia. And now it is a cute graphic on a t-shirt. Look at those blue eyes. They are entirely empty. We took a solitary, nocturnal hunter and bred it to act like a dropped towel. A biological survival mechanism replaced by absolute, pathetic compliance. The shirt itself is a tri-blend. A synthetic trinity of cotton, polyester, and rayon. Cotton breathes. Polyester will survive the impending collapse of the global supply chain. Rayon provides a completely artificial drape that flatters a torso slouching over a keyboard for nine hours a day. We have engineered the perfect fabric to display this genetically modified lap ornament. It is sickeningly soft. Buy the shirt. Put the conspiracy theory on your chest. Wear it to the dentist. The cat will stare at the hygienist while you bleed from your gums.