At this time of year, you should be preparing for a deluge of wedding invitations. Same-sex marriages are now common events, so during this year’s wedding season, you might receive an invite or two. Even though these unions have taken place for years and have been legal throughout the United States since 2015, you may not have attended many or even one of these ceremonies. They have the same joyous vibe as any wedding, but they may differ from what you consider a traditional ceremony. So before you go, consider a few basic facts about these unions.
Use The Couple’s Preferred Terminology
Gender roles have always been complicated, but society is just now acknowledging this issue. Same-sex marriages do not always have two brides or two grooms. Some gay and lesbian couples find that terminology offensive. In fact, some heterosexual couples don’t embrace those roles, either. This hurdle is actually simple to overcome: just follow the couple’s lead and use their terms. Whatever you do, don’t ask “Who is the bride and who is the groom?” That question is offensive and will strike a sour note on a beautiful day. The wedding invitation itself will usually let you know what term the couple prefers. If you blank at a crucial moment, just use the couples’ names. You are not required to label them or anyone, for that matter, in a particular way.
Expect Different Traditions
If you still think all weddings follow a particular protocol, you may need to get out more. Contemporary couples have limitless choices when it comes to their ceremonies. Some choose to keep certain traditions, such as the exchanging of rings, while others will not. For instance, many couples, gay and straight, have rejected being “given away” since they don’t feel they belong to anyone. Same-sex wedding couples may choose to walk each other down the aisle or have their parents walk with them.
The bouquet toss and garter removal have hit the scrap heap in many ceremonies as outmoded and possibly sexist. The vows are as varied as the people who say them. If something is “missing,” in your opinion, from the ceremony, assume that it was deliberately dropped. Come prepared to embrace the unique beauty of this particular wedding. It doesn’t have to look like any other wedding you’ve attended. And face it, aren’t you tired of the same old same old when it comes to ceremonies?
Choose Appropriate Cards and Gifts
You may still find it difficult to find cards appropriate to the particular wedding you are attending. Most cards still have a bride and groom on the front, something that gay couples and lesbian couples will not appreciate. You can solve this problem by creating your own personalized card or gift. Personalized efforts are always appreciated. Of course, most couples these days make their gift preferences known by registering at various stores. What you choose should simply be dictated by what they want. Established couples do not need items to set up housekeeping. Just be mindful to choose items that reflect this particular couple.
Don’t Ask Personal Questions
Don’t be nosy. This suggestion holds true for any wedding. You have no right to ask about the couple’s plans for children; their relationship with their in-laws, or who paid for the wedding. These issues may be more sensitive in same-sex weddings, but they don’t perk up a heterosexual wedding either. You should not attend with the idea of finding out “How these things work” since you are going as a supportive friend or relative and not an anthropologist. Likewise, avoid others at the event who want to gossip about the couple. It’s not your business and sets the wrong tone for any celebration.
Know When to Stay Home
Homophobia still runs rampant in some areas throughout the country and the world. If you are uncomfortable about attending a gay wedding, stay home unless you are certain that you can disguise your unease. If you openly disapprove of such unions, don’t even think about going. You’ll just cast a cloud over what should be a beautiful day. And when you RSVP, don’t explain why you are not attending. It’s not your job to instruct the couple about your views. In fact, you can only do harm if you elaborate. Mark that you won’t be attending and let it go.
The proper etiquette for a same-sex marriage is really proper etiquette for any marriage. Let the couple set the tone and choose the terminology. Likewise, simply enjoy the ceremony without judging what traditions they choose to embrace or discard. Keep your personal questions to yourself. No one likes to be grilled about private matters, particularly on their big day. And if you cannot wholeheartedly embrace the union, you should consider staying home. No one needs a glowering guest passing judgment on the proceedings. If you go, focus on having fun. Embrace the differences and celebrate the joy of a couple who is committing to a life together. It is a courageous act that deserves the support of everyone in attendance.
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