Most would-be best men have probably been planning “the bachelor party to end all bachelor parties” for years. But while a list of “Ultimate Bachelor Party Ideas and Destinations” may roll off the tongue for some people, a wedding day speech could be harder to articulate. If you’ve found yourself high and dry when it comes to raising a glass to your brother, friend, or workplace confidant, then don’t worry – it literally happens to the best of us.
In this article, we show you how to structure your speech, formulate your notes, and even sharpen your delivery – as we recently did in “How to Write a Maid of Honor Speech That’s Wedding-Day Ready.” Expect plenty of tears – both of laughter and with emotion – by the time everyone clinks their glasses together.
The Step-by-Step Guide to a Best Man’s Speech
The most important part to get right of any speech or written piece is the structure (how do you think we put these articles together every week?). The exact shape or flow of a speech will vary between presenters, but broadly, here’s the beginning, middle, and end!
Step 1: The Introduction
To start, provide some brief context as to who you are and what your relationship to the couple is – particularly if you can find a snappy way to hook your audience and set the scene. A nod to the previous speaker – mentioning how they’re a hard act to follow, for example – is a good way to get the audience on your side.
Example:
“Hi everyone, I’m Ted, Bill’s best man. Well done on that amazing speech, Bill – but as you’re about to see, I’ve taught him everything he knows when it comes to public speaking.”
Step 2: The Bridge
All Speeches Great and Small describes the next phase as the “bridge”: “[where] you get from the introduction into the main part of the speech.” In anticipation of that funny anecdote or representative story, describe the groom (favorably) or sum up the time you’ve spent together (also favorably)!
Example:
“I’ve known Bill for years – we met in high school and ended up at the same college, taking different majors and classes but always finding time to catch up. Bill always had good advice, and so when he said I should be the one to plan his bachelor party, I knew he was right.”
Step 3: The Story
While most incorrigible bachelors will have an embarrassing story to share about their wingman, now is not the time to make his red-faced parents and partner relive it. Instead, choose a funny or feel-good story, and make sure it shows the groom at his best.
Example:
“A few years ago, Bill and I took a road trip – our very own ‘Excellent Adventure,’ if you will – and it was on that trip that I really learned how capable and determined he was. How else could he have gotten us through the entire trip when I had the map upside-down for half of it?”
Step 4: The Partner
If the groom’s new spouse was sidelined for the length of that story, then it’s now time to reintroduce them into the fold. Mention how happy he or she makes the groom, or highlight a moment where you knew they were meant for each other. Hand-squeezing and giddy smiles will ensue, trust us!
Example:
“What I remember most about that trip, however, was how much he spoke about [Partner’s Name] and about wanting to get home to see them. We had a great time in those school and college days, but I’ve never seen him as happy as he is now.”
Step 5: The Toast
Finally, deliver a rousing call for guests to toast the happy couple. According to Hitched.co.uk, some speeches are sidetracked by multiple toasts – to the bridesmaids, other groomsmen, to the groom himself. Focus on the newlyweds, however, to prevent a game of “stand-up-sit-down-again”!
Example:
“So I’d like everyone to join me in raising a glass – even if Bill got lost with me on one road trip, I’m glad you were able to find each other. To the newlyweds, and to a lifetime of adventures!”
Tips for Writing a Best Man Speech
Great wedding speeches aren’t ad-libbed, generally; they need to be written out beforehand to prevent any fumbling over words. If composing a speech fills you with as much dread as public speaking, however, then here are some pointers.
Plan It Out Beforehand
Using the structure we outlined above, sketch out the topics you want to cover and in what order. Plot it out on a whiteboard, log keywords on your phone, draw a mind map on the sidewalk in chalk – whatever! The speech will be much easier to write when you can break it down to a “toast skeleton,” as Brides.com notes.
Avoid Potential Overlap
Remember how we said there’s no need to thank or toast everyone? Well, another reason for this is to prevent overlap – nothing loses an audience faster than asking them to traverse well-trodden ground. For example, the exact details of how the couple met can be skipped, as the groom will probably have discussed this at length.
Be True to Yourself
While it might be tempting to expound in a resplendent, erudite register, you shouldn’t try to be something you’re not; “[Y]ou don’t need to adopt a character just because you’re giving a speech,” advises Brides.com. Speak in a way that behooves you – sorry, suits you – rather than attempting to be too grand or profound, or to tell jokes when you’re the sincere, sentimental type.
Get a Second Opinion
Equally, think about your audience as you write your speech, as well as yourself. Keep it appropriate in terms of the language you use and the stories you tell – now isn’t the time to bring up old flames or rowdy college hijinks – but be positive too: people are there to enjoy themselves, after all.
Tips for Delivering a Best Man Speech
Now that your speech is ready – at least on paper or Word processor – then the next step is to deliver it with panache. Follow these tips to go from a public speaking apprentice to a Toastmasters team leader!
Watch Your Body Language
Expert speech-givers are conscious of their body language, which should be ‘open’ and welcoming rather than ‘closed’ and tense. Avoid putting your hands in your pockets or folding your arms – these will betray an anxiety or unwillingness to be there – and use hand gestures and eye contact to appear more confident and relaxed. To get better at these things, you just need to…
Rehearse Beforehand
Practicing your speech is the best way to calm your nerves and prevent you from stumbling over phrases like a perpetually prosperous and passionately peaceful partnership. Start by having the whole transcript to hand and reading it out, word for word; then, with each trial run, rely less on the text, or alternatively, condense your notes.
Keep It Short
Best man speeches should last somewhere between 3 and 5 minutes, according to The Knot. When writing your speech, read it out loud, and factor in additional time for pauses, cheers, and laughs. On the whole, though, a short speech is better – lengthy manifestos risk boring the crowd, hijacking the schedule, and drawing attention away from the newlyweds.
And there you have it: an introduction to speech writing and delivery that might even net you the role of best man more than once. To boost your confidence further, read over our “How to Make a Wedding Toast” article. Cheers!
Eoin is a Content Specialist at Zazzle in Cork. He’s recently bought a house with his fiancée, and thus most of his time these days is spent trying to keep the walls from caving in and the wolves from the door. Still, he’s always open to book, game, and movie recommendations, so if you have some, let him know: he’ll add them to a very, very long list.
