Since the dawn of time, man has looked to the sky and wished to fly like the birds above.
Now, that dream is a reality!

By simply purchasing one of these amazingly cheap shirts (and an airline ticket), you too can take to the skies like the noble heron, the graceful hawk, and the majestic ostrich.
Be the first on your block to own one of these trendy shirts! Women will find you sexy! Men will find you attractive! Children will follow you around, singing songs of your amazing deeds!
Wear it around, use it to wipe up baby spittle, dress a major laceration to one's extremities, stuff it in a bottle filled with gasoline and use it in you battle to free the proletariat! As long as you pay for it first.

WARNING: Shirts may not actually make you fly. Sudden increases in attractiveness and likability with children are not guaranteed. By purchasing one of these shirts, you (the purchaser) are accepting any and all responsibility for injury, property damage, and litigation from use of the shirt as a primary component in a Molotov cocktail.
Consult your doctor before wearing a shirt. If you take any of this seriously, go see a doctor.